Last Call for Buddy and Jasmine

Back in the spring of 2001 Buddy and Jasmine went on hiatus up in my hayloft. They were on R&R from their Free Beer duties for an undetermined period of time. Every year I go up in the hayloft to do some cleaning and take the time to have a little chat with them. We'd reminisce about the good old days and they'd always inquire about Showgirl(TM). I'd tell them that she was semi-retired and only made rare appearances on St. Patrick's day or other special events. They also joke about how Mathiew liked to stare at my bare ass when I had to pull down my pants during my frequent guitar mistakes while on stage; I guess they noticed a lot while perched up on those speakers. Buddy also told me that he never really liked Mathiew because of all those times he raped Jasmine and Showgirl while living at the Big House(TM). They both confided that I was like a father to them as I had been the one to rescue them from a dumpster at the Cavendish Mall back in '94. So it was with a certain amount of sadness when I lied to them this past weekend and tricked them into their own undoing. I really needed to clean my hayloft and decided they'd have to go. So I told them about how our mailbox was getting smashed a lot lately by some punk-ass teenagers. Of course being the man he is Buddy immediately grabbed his trademark red hard hat and volunteered to help out; Jasmine thought she was looking a little pale from being inside for five years so she said she was game for anything that would get her into the sunlight. I told them that I needed them to sit out by the road and watch for any suspicious characters near the mailbox. They were so happy to be outside and trusted me so completely that they didn't even notice when I put the garbage cans out beside them. I had a lump in my throat when Buddy gave me the thumbs up as he settled in for his overnight shift.
"Twelve hours and this will all be over," I said to myself. "The garbage truck is coming and it is never late."
I woke up the next morning and was surprised to see that they were both still diligently doing their jobs. Several cars stopped by and checked out the strange duo at the road and one asshole even groped Jasmine a little; I could see Buddy's snarl all they way from the house.
Well they must have knew something wasn't right when they saw the garbage truck headed their way because Jasmine pulled her old trick and flagged down some dude in a pick-up and he swooped in and grabbed them both just as the garbage truck was approaching. So they're not really dummies after all. Even Roy and Rachael the replica 'skinjobs' in Bladerunner could not escape their mortal destiny as Buddy and Jasmine did.